Gratitude: The Marriage Miracle

 Gratitude may seem like a different subject for a relationship discussion. The truth is that a sense of gratitude is one of the most powerful tools in enhancing your relationship. As in all aspects of life we need to accept people and things just as they are. Within a relationship this acceptance is of utmost importance. We need to, with all our heart and all our being, accept our spouse as they are. Just as they are, let them be themselves.

This acceptance has been called many things, but most commonly it is referred to as unconditional positive regard or unconditional love. What does that mean, unconditional positive regard or love? Exactly what it says. We love them; we have positive regard for them without any strings attached, no conditions.

One of the easiest ways to feel this is to think about when we first held our child in our arms. We feel this overwhelming rush of pure emotion, love and tenderness. We do not ask anything from that infant, we don't expect them to be anything or do anything for us, we love them just because they are alive. That is unconditional love, unconditional positive regard. We see their good and positive characteristics, we accept that they will have some negative aspects as they grow and develop but we live with that and love them anyway.

What does gratitude have to do with unconditional love or regard? Why is the article not pointed to these important relationship factors? How do these factors impact on gratitude or vice versa? Gratitude by its most basic principles encompasses unconditional positive regard and unconditional love. How can you feel any gratitude for anything or anybody without first accepting them? If you feel thankful for someone or something then of course you must have accepted that person or thing or event in your life. So just by being grateful you have accepted.

Gratitude is defined as being thankful for and ready to return kindness. We can enlarge that definition by adding the aspect of wanting the best for those we are grateful for. Being thankful is not at all large enough to encompass the powerful feelings that accompany true gratitude. These feelings power people through changes in their lives, through sacrifice, through service and empower the love that they have for each other.

We have all said thank you to someone for helping us do things. Like the person who holds the door open for us when we have our arms full or the driver who stops and lets us in a long line of traffic during rush hour. When these types of events happen to us we feel happy and good and usually will try to reciprocate, perhaps not to the specific person who did the good deed for us, but to someone else.

An example of this feeling of gratitude that I witnessed personally happened during rush hour. The traffic was backed up for blocks waiting on a short light. There were several people trying to get into the traffic at each intersection. Close to the end of the line one ucdm let a young lady into the traffic in front of him. Between there and the light I noticed that there was at least one or two cars let in and people were driving by and sitting and waiting smiling and waving to each other as they passed. This is the power of gratitude being demonstrated at a very simple level.

These drivers had to accept the other person was just as important as they were themselves. Also, this acceptance spread to the whole line as they helped each other. One good deed led, through being grateful, to a line of happy drivers instead of fuming and gesturing people with no thought for the other.

So how does all of this translate into relationship enhancement? If we accept that just by being grateful for our partners we accept them wholly, without reservation, then our relationship is stronger. If we, by being grateful for our partners and what they do for us, what they mean to us and how they make us feel, do things for our partners, try to reciprocate the goodness we automatically strengthen the relationship. Being grateful for our partners and to our partners empowers them as well.

"Feeling gratitude adds life to your relationship, but expressing gratitude adds passion." Dallas Munkholm, Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking

They are free to be themselves, to be their best self. If, by us being grateful and accepting them with all the positive and negative aspects they have, we let them be who they are and then they are free to change. The thing with gratitude as mentioned above is that we want to reciprocate. Thus, our partners will want to be the best they can for us as we express our gratitude for them. This acceptance we give them by our expressions of gratitude gives them the power and desire to change.